2012 (Ways to Destroy Famous Landmarks)

BY CONTRIBUTING RANTER ANDREW MARSHALL

Anybody that has seen a movie in the last few weeks has by now been smashed about the face with the new trailer for Roland Emmerich’s latest masterpiece in disaster self gratification, “2012″.

Watching a Roland Emmerich movie (Independence Day, Godzilla, The Day After Tomorrow) is the cinematic equivalent of observing your little brother methodically smash all of your grandmother’s fine china with a sledgehammer, one dish at a time.  If it’s famous, has sentimental national value, or fits into this sentence: “BLANK is a really nice city. You’d like the atmosphere there. And try the BLANKS, they are delicious”, then you better believe R.E. has daydreamed about blowing it to smithereens with a laser gun or a blast of radioactive fire.

Between the trailer and the giant posters hanging up in the lobby, Mr. Emmerich gratified himself with the total obliteration of  L.A., New York, Paris, The Great Wall of China, and the entire nation of Tibet.  In his other films, Roland has managed to control his most base impulses and limit his destruction to, say, major cities or everything north and south of the equator. This time, however, it appears that he’s out to destroy the entire planet.

Light the Fires and Kick the Tires, John Cussack.

One can only imagine that R.E. is already conceiving his next movie. My guess is that it’s one enormous four and a half hour long scene wherein a gaggle of diverse A-listers and character actors (lets say Jeff Daniels, Jamie Foxx, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and Jennifer Garner) go flying through a debris field in a spaceship while the entire universe is sucked into a black hole.

So, in that spirit, our very first Cinemuck Poll:

If you were Roland Emmerich, what national or world landmark would you destroy, and how?

–Andrew–

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